I am not worthy.
Postpartum is a beautifully ordained time of bonding and renewal, but is often very difficult for many women.
I honestly hate to be the one to admit it (truth be told), but it definitely is for me. Out of all the reasons why it is difficult: lack of sleep, weight gain, new family routines, etc. – the most difficult thing for me is my worthiness.
My worthiness for this new precious life, my worthiness to be a mother, my worthiness to be a wife but chiefly – my worthiness to be a Child of God.
The fact of the matter is, I am not worthy. Like John the Baptist says in Mark 1, “the strap of whose sandals I am not worthy to stoop down and untie…” both disqualifies me and qualifies me for worthiness before God. How can that be? Like many miracles, this being the greatest, I will never know but I will always be grateful.
By the miracle and work of Jesus I am worthy to stand before the King of Creation, my Abba Father. How is it then, I question my worthiness before man? Even now as I write this, I am questioning myself. But I shouldn’t.
Instead, let us think of worthiness as an expression of thankfulness. I can view my worth before man as validated because my worth before God is sealed. Therefore, I can stand before man confident, exuding gratitude because it is His worth that allows me to breathe and to share and to love and to exist each day.
So friend, mama, sister – you are not worthy…alone. Praise God! Because if your worth was measured by your mere humanity, the continued cycle of never-quite measuring up, would leave you feeling defeated (and often does for me). Instead, we continually need to put on the holiness of Christ:
“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”
The not-so-funny thing is, that we often have a complaint against ourselves and hold ourselves bondage to the sin we’ve already been forgiven for, that in turn, is destroying the truth of our propitiated worth.
Let’s make a pact right now, sister – let’s bear with ourselves daily, forgiving ourselves, having compassion for our hot mess, being kind to ourselves when we look in the mirror knowing we are made in the image of God, expressing humility when our hearts get rightly checked, pursuing meekness as we honor our husband or authority, and having patience with ourselves as we pursue health.
Lastly, remember this all rests in the caveat of knowing our worth. We are holy and beloved before God because of Christ’s worth, not our own. Let’s live a life that exemplifies the unmerited worth we have, by just being grateful- even for yourself.
Let’s pursue Christ’s holiness together, just as He pursued us in our unworthiness.